My Journey in the land of Zimbabwe

Walking into a foreign land and being a foreigner all in the name of chasing a dream has been an experience.  Something l will treasure for the rest of my life. So here l am, a young lady from South Africa working hard to live the dream then the reality kicked in with its rawness and all was there for my skin to feel, for every inch of my bones to crack hard into and my eyes saw.

When you are passionate about making an impact not just in upgrading your financial status or ticking off few things from your bucket list but to go beyond the borders of yourself to the world out there be sure you will come across a lot of disappointment from people you held high esteem of. While working on getting my cash sorted to head to Zimbabwe lots of people made ridiculous promises of which at the end of the rod led me to their voicemails, unreturned emails and invisible shadows. Promises they made when you did not ask yet because they became part of your plans now you end up chasing ghosts.  I found that at the end of the day people real in your life show up in the mist of the moment you thought no one was even there. My real friends and community showed up and held it up for me and l couldn't have been more grateful to see the team l have on my corner. I made the money to make it to Zimbabwe.

I get there to be surrounded by beautiful, intelligent, talented and passionate young women from across Africa. Who have done so many amazing things not just for themselves but the nations they came from. You become the product of your dreams, your reality is what you work for and most importantly never give up. I realised we all had huge hiccups to make it to Zimbabwe but we persevered. Because some days you will have to keep walking on top of thorns with a diamond crown blinging on top of your head and your internal facial veins dripping of tears that your expensive make-up hides and your smile seals so hardproofed noone else sees besides the one inside your heart. When you believe in yourself, you do against all odds so believe in yourself and something called magic appears out of nowhere.

I was hyped up because my designers had sleepless nights making sure l looked majestic on the ramp and did l look like magic?  Yes l did. All because l found people that believed in me and showed it through their hard work. From such, l full heartily know that in this world exist genuine good people who don't just want to see themselves up there but also want to be the stepping stone for those that needs it because if one makes it up there, the whole team does. It's called being content with yourself and your talent, willing to share your gift with the world. That dear reader is how all heroes have made it. Ubuntu goes a long way. So in every piece of your journey watch out for people that genuinely want to help you and make it,  open up your heart, be grateful and return the favour to others that will need you cause you can be sure they will come.

Zimbabwe is a beautiful country in all but the poverty and challenges people face there I understood why immigration had to happen, why internal wars begun, Water and food shortage,  lack of resources, shortage of money in banks and then you meet highly intellects selling on the streets. I tell you , you will value the freedom you have here in South Africa, the challenges we got here becomes nothing compared to there. I also saw something that surprised me, street foreign currency exchangers whom were mostly women standing in line holding thousands of money and no one robbing them. Respecting each others' hustle makes even the hardest pain bearable. Know that everyone is going through a battle and respect their battle and their way of fighting. Understanding too that greed and politics can tarnish beauty and destroy even the land you try standing mighty in, one day the little cracks will collapse. So the South African Embassy came through for us and showed why their office exist and was l grateful for the loving, arms of protection they gave. Rainbow exists even on the other side where the Sun sets.

Spending more than eight hours up on  high heels, from one garment to another, refreshing make-up in between, changing hairstyles, one location to the next, Up all night going through scripts, perfecting postures, running around the lodge searching for Wifi on trees, fun was had so was anger shared. Models are happy people, any situation can become a comedy show. The friendship that came from spending all that madness together is something that will be with us throughout this life time. Sometimes a way to a high way can be from a small window, take the risk.

The Grace of God is sufficient enough to walk with you through the valley and make the night look like day. When people and even yourself underestimate what you are capable of achieving, make no mistake in forgetting the God in you is mightier and you know what about majestic abilities? You can't keep the light hidden, it just pops out and takes over.  I saw God on play and l was amazed by so much grace. When my cell phone numbers got mysteriously hacked into and was not able to access my social networks, I felt my legs were cut off from my body but you know what? What is ordained by heaven, no evil can restrain from happening. Always trust the journey, trust the master. He may be silent but he's forever present. The Grace.

We are in the game to win but not all wins are victorious, at times the victory is in the wisdom you walk away with because you will proceed from this level to the next one. Zimbabwe was crazily eye opening. I walked into a foreign land unaware l was actually going there to dig deep into my mine and discover more jewels than l knew existed in me.

Never knew how to give up!

I had always been a child that had her mind up the clouds. Living in a world that saw magic and saw nothing impossible. Here today l am, looking at the journey lt has been and understand in all its depth that every little moment has sharpened me to what l am today.

I had to learn to calm myself down in the mist of a very stormy smoke and breath through the pores on my skin. I never knew how to give up  even when there wasn't much to look for. To learn to dance to sounds of laughter of those spectators to your life when you have fallen and must do the walk of shame, to look at yourself once more and fall inlove with the flaws and the failures, to wear your dignity with pride even if it is the only thing covering your nakedness. I have learnt.

I am an African child, raised to raise the bars and not stay under the boundaries. In the streams of my veins daring to dream is a daily dish that must be endulged in. There has been days when swallowing was so hard and could barely keep eyes open and bones off the ground but all the time,  the journey reminds you that it is far where you come from and nearer where you are going so giving up is not part of your vocabulary.

I couldn't believe how easy it is to find yourself standing alone while in between a crowd of millions. When literally all the people you knew were besides you suddenly disappear in front of your eyes when you need them. The importance of knowing that you are alone in this world , believing in yourself is the first most command towards yourself because people will leave mostly when you need them. They will lie when you need the truth and sometimes they will kick you down when you have already fallen and still jump over you as if they do not see you.

I never knew how to give up. I always felt subjected by my own internal loyalty to keep at it. I am thankful of such characters because they keep me grounded and alive with possibilities. Life is not for the faint-hearted. A friend once said you must always know when to pause, reboot yourself and restart so you stay focused in life and indeed he spoke the truth. Be stingy about your time, your energy and presence, only share with those that matter to you.

I am just a girl with enough power,
Mind guard on steroids,
The soul rages much for the uncertainty,
Walking on Faith destiny is already assured.
Daddy said keep going, have patience but keep going.
Don't know what giving up is.
Fairytales exists, search for them
Perhaps they lie within your temple
Where the possibles resides.

Time Keeper

Through several encouragement and Inspirational phases one goes through about the hustle, the dedication,  perseverance and courage barely not much is given to the most important element of the whole shebang,  which is the waiting , "patience" , the things take time element.  At the end of the day when all the talks and action are done, we must leave things to something beyond our control, some call that destiny and l call that God. The Time Keeper.

God holds a different time piece to that which we wear, day as it is to us could be months to him. I mean have you ever noticed how many amazing hard working people take years and years to finally get what they have been sweating for all this time. Sometimes, they have even given up because they waited for a shortwhile cause nobody ever taught the art of waiting.  Of all the things to do in the hustling dynamics , l think waiting is the hardest. I mean with that nobody is cheering for you.  You may even be ridiculed on how useless you are, lazy and hopeless.

The time between the steps and the waiting is important because how you wait is a total different ball game. I think while  waiting on God we are supposed to do an introspection on ourselves, who we truly are, what we are passionate about, what makes us happy. You know these little things we rarely allocate time for cause we always busy focused on bigger things. Look at how wine matures with time and its delicate taste becomes so  incredibly delicious with the patience , possibly we could learn a thing or two about that process.

Nature can make us see how beautiful it is the things that patience creates, allowing the time keeper to keep his time and do things as he wishes. Look at a tree, that has  survived thousand seasons, both extremes and still remained tall for the earth to rest under. Today you may admire its beauty but you may never realise the depth of its patience for it to be completely formed and be as strong as it is today, so like the tree we shall  go through many seasons, all extremes  in it but with a little more patience each day the waiting will be worth being waited upon.

Nobody ever teaches you that waiting is part of every process but it is. While waiting where exactly in the universe do you place yourself? Are you ready to receive or you are still at the first step you took and you are just waiting?  You know l realised you can never just wait, something changes every time with waiting, the colour of the day, the strength and the weakness of the weather, the atmosphere of your emotions, things continue to change and they always play change on you weather you are playing along or just being. While waiting you have a chance  to choose where in the universe you want to place yourself and get up there and make sure it is way comfortable  for the long wait, while at it make sure you get a cow of wisdom so you may drink some good milk and wise up. Nobody ever tells you about the patience needed in the journey but just know it is the greatest part of the walk and  at times the determiner of weather you receive your rewards or you walk away empty handed.

The time keeper is also  merciful, l don't think he would ever leave you hopeless. Along the way certain sounds of love, hope and humour will spring up and make you forget the hardness of the journey just before the horn is blown and the aching pain of waiting kicks in. Be hopeful when you are working towards something, believe in it in all your might if passion is what got you there and with waiting thrown in it all shall definitely  bring out great things.

In raging storms he came and whirled his shield around me, in my ears he let sounds of calming sea waves brace all of me. I never saw what exactly l was up against. Now that l am here, looking behind me l understand the power of love that rest on the creator of heaven and earth for all of us.

I kept procrastinating telling myself that the sun will  shine more brighter tomorrow and l will do it but life has this thing of keeping us occupied with nothing till l realised the power of pain, as it enters our lives it redirects us to the path we must take and puts our mind on clear pace of focus. I choose to allow and accept pain but not let it defeat me.

Between me and the time keeper l had been confused who holds the britles and whips and who is the horse. I only under stood when my  feet told me  l was  running on holy ground. Slowly he calms me with his whistles and sets my soul on patience mood. All l knew and know is running but never the walking slow part.

Today

If it was any other day l would have been agitated, broke a nail or even stormed off the walls of my mind but not today, today l am a product of life’s experiences. l am a woman aware of the force in the world of things that one can’t control and of things that one can change. I have been put in the middle of a blazing fire, roasted and scotched just like gold, l am now refined. The wise once said “if you want to be  Gold, be prepared to be cut and burned. Refinery is a bittersweet process”

The things in life that we cannot change teaches us so much more about ourselves than we realise. We rarely notice the good that comes out of us through those tormenting moments when you have a battle raging inside of yourself and you barely can maintain to keep the breath going in and out of your body. Take a moment and think of a time in your life when you were pressed to the wall with nothing to do to change the situation, what resolution were you left to? Acceptance, You had to look deep into yourself and accept that you are powerless to what now is your present circumstance, then you had to also tolerate everything that came with it and that is not an easy thing.

Patience is the mother of all virtues. Patience not just on other people and things but also patience on yourself because life has these laws that can’t be changed, laws to make you wait , to test your heart and see how far your mind can stretch. Through it all you must maintain composure and keep all of you levelled up.  The more you resist to look into yourself and find patience, the more things happen to you to force it out of you and most of those things come with pain. Pain is not all bad, it is an opportunity to grow and see the greater side of you.

If it was any other day l would have broken down and cried my eyes out. But today l sat down had a cup of tea, stroke a conversation with myself. I saw how amazingly clever the past is, the past comes to only cripple you and rob you of a beautiful moment if you get manipulated by its stroll , however it can also serve you well depending on how you use it. It will remind you of your failures so that you may take your eyes of what you have now become which is a conqueror, a hero to yourself, an achiever and a beautiful rock of greatness. So l took a sip of tea and relaxed a bit and understood that every day of our lives we must forgive ourselves constantly because we turn to be too hard on ourselves. I looked at the past with a bit more smile because the woman am sitting with is only here because yesterday existed and that is a worthy cause of the past. Forgiveness not only freed me from my own mistakes but it delivered to my eyes lessons and allowed me to freely open myself again to what today and tomorrow will bring.

I shed off the skin of many years,

Stood beside chains of memories,

Sat with a goddess l admired,

My heart awakened to the wisdom of her calmness,

Something about the glow of her soul.

Then finally l understood it all.

If it was any other day, but today it was not that day,

Today l am the product of my experiences.

Self Acceptance

Imagine how many years have passed by, you have lived with yourself but you have never really met the real you. Isn't that notion scary?  but in all honesty most of us know it's true. We get to a point we cannot have a single conversation with ourselves because we believe the world will call us insane. Self Acceptance is the beginning of greater love and self wisdom.

Imagine walking past your fears, wounds, pain to someone real, understanding,  eager to learn, forgiving and to someone full of possibilities.  she had been just a little girl attending a school in which her mother was a teacher, for every good thing she achieved from passing with excellent marks to winning school awards word on the street was always " it's because her mother is a teacher", it was never about the fact that she really actually did good, she deserved it and she used to feel bad like she could attend another school where no one knew who her mother was until one day she snapped and simply did not care anymore about what people thought because she learned to love herself more and with that came accepting who she was, where she came from and what her mother did. That little girl was me. Until you take accountability of your circumstances and accept your situations you can never change anything or go anywhere where greatness and better life exists. When you change, the world begin to adjust itself to your changes and makes it comfortable for you to live because you are no longer fighting what you are.

Self acceptance is being brave enough to sit in silence with your weakness and figure it all out and drag it from darkness to light so it becomes your strength. It must be hard to live life under the shadows of someone else. Life requires each one of us to be bold. No road has ever been easy but it always begins with acceptance. A wise man once said you can never be able to lead the world if you have not mastered being the leader of Self, awaken the inner leader inside.

With every imperfection l found in me
So did perfection show up with a glow.
I owned up to my scars so they could never own me.
A trading that brought my fire to burn.
I broke the chains and unplugged my excellence and gracefully stood there.
Tears blazed my skin,
Fear shook my veins
Because l no longer had nothing holding me back.
Awaken in self acceptance love walked me back to who l am.

Those words l yearn to hear

I yearn to hear the words that l know can hurt and heal me both ..
I yearn to hear the tenderness of its sound as it leaves the edge of your lips.
Its the comfort l seek to find most in the universe. That it be said with so much truth and reality in it.

Those words have broken my world before. I fear and honour it though cause for thousand times l have forgiven them.
Those words every time they are said l understand a puzzle of my life that had been anciently buried, yet again it is the exact words that reminds me of a cemetry am walking on.

Say them as much as l need to hear them but please mean them cause only then will they move my bones to life.
Blow in me a force of dreams,
Passion lived through pulses.

I remember how l have countless times felt this exact emotion , my heart fleeting away under my rib cage. He always the perfect image that turns everything colourful. To the look on his eyes to how he places his hands on the table. Everything he did made perfect sense, in a weird way l always felt we were in the same page but yet love was always made to make a woman blind cause as much as we were in the same page it was never the same side probably l was even far off to getting there and he was always a faceless man.

I am the one who always fall when people are walking straight head on. When they spin lies like their last breath, I push loyalty like if l didn't the sun won't rise. How l always get left behind in thinking all meant more than they did and how tears fail me and refuse to come out when l totally want to break apart in the presence of a moment that deserves an Oscar Award.

Its how l got to see that beauty can be a curse because for somewhat reason deep down l had wished you could see my soul before you see my curves, before you desire to touch my nipples you could ask me what l thought about the universe this day to how being in between my thighs,  sweat exchanging could not be the one main objective on your list. I , wiling agree to me losing my mind in your objective but the motive were never the same cause mine left scars. Scars l will always see each time l pass through this passage. I don't blame any individual for taking the plunge afterall if the ocean is inviting why not.

Every time l had my hopes high to be confronted by the same hopes on the way down. To have to ask myself if l was dreaming,  to staring at blank walls. I understand it too well how these words said can break a cup of tea even while muted. The words "l love you" are the greatest destroyers yet amazing constructors of all times. Next time you say them understand just the depth of how far into someone's life you are trading.

Fierce as a tiger.

If you are  a woman that has laid herself out as a doormat for a man, that's  what you will be forever. Most man see woman as temporary parking spot only there to stay for some time and leave. Love yourself so much that you refuse to be degraded to a level that insults your worth as a woman. Most woman be out here staying with a man that continuously cheats and she says "who else isn't cheating, if l leave him do l seriously think there is a better man out here who doesn't cheat " mind you those words coming from just a girlfriend. Women don't ever try to take in the roles of a wife while you are still a girlfriend. Who in the world told you that you must just sincerely accept that your man cheats, be okay with it and think one day he will stop and be faithful with you? You are slowly digging your own grave for he will give you a disease that will end your life. Are we afraid so much of being alone? If a man has cheated before, won't it be just as easy for him to cheat again? The mere fact that he could lie calmly in the arms of another woman, have all that pleasure and still come back the next day to face you and say he loves you , doesn't that raise up the alarm that maybe this man does not know what he wants in his life, maybe you are not everything that he needs hence he feels the need to go out and get that from another?

It always seem like a fairy tale you are lost in when you tell another woman that in the absence of a wrong man, you will feel the presence of a right one approaching. He will be  unrecognizable cause we often have our eyes on the bad ones. I have noticed that the kind of a man you attract in your life is pressed entirely on how you see yourself. You will have  the man you deserve when you treat yourself the way you deserve. To be able to raise your finger and say this is way below me does not mean you are too independent it just shows you know that life is too short to be anything but a goddess. Yes sometimes you stay with someone because you see the capabilities of a man he can be, because he is a dreamer, but what's the use of a dreamer that never gets anything done, all he do is dream, dream and dream some more.

I have been accused of being too stubborn, too choosy but what can l say than let them think that? I am just that girl who will not step off her stilletoes unless I am convinced the stretch would be worth it. Young girls still go around and get aroused by a mere compliment but a woman appreciates respect and being honoured and that merely has nothing to do with money. Would l be much of a control freak if l say a good woman must be so involved in her man's life and a man be so involved in her woman's life that it leaves no vacancy and time for anyone else of an opposite sex to occupy? Yes l can be a freak any day of the week but as for every second of the day I am as fierce a tiger.

It is good for anyone to have standards and only compromise them if the other party is meeting you half way. Let's stop giving away our happiness to someone who barely recognize the sacrifices. I don't want to be out staged on my own centre stage.

"The rare that makes our world complete, we only notice that they not there when our eyes feel the thirst of a perfect picture."