The rural girl with big city dreams.

I remember clearly like it was moment ago, the giggles my classmates  made when l said l wanted to work in the world of broadcasting.  They said "a rural girl like you would never go that far, you wasting your breath" l looked and them and said "watch me". I really had nothing to prove and neither did l feel obliged to make a point. But my heart had a burning passion to find itself in a certain environment and that was exactly where l was to go.

l am a rural girl, raised among the sounds of cows, goats and sheep, enjoyed the blissful ride of a donkey cart, found pleasure in listening to the wind and the birds in the middle of the veld. l ran barefeet on the sandy soil and felt like l could fly sitting on the top branch of a tree. l could never be ashamed to say l am that girl that used three feet pot outside on the scorching fire to boil water to make a cup of tea or even make lunch. I always had greater dreams beyond the mud houses, the midnight skies full of fiery , shinning stars.

There must definitely be a reason why l can see my reflection when l look into the mirror. l am the girl that always told others you can do more. The future is not bound to circumstances of where you come from, where you end up depends entirely on the choices you make away from your circumstances. People can never see what you see about yourself or your future, therefore its best to trust what you see and follow it. How many times have they said you couldn't do it? after you did it they turned around and said they always knew you could do it. No one besides yourself can have a plan about your life if not, their aim will be to hide your glow.

So being the rural girl that felt that nothing was impossible, that there is nothing that can limit me. l moved from high school to varsity and followed my dream. Many said why would you choose Journalism as a degree, there is a little future in that and yes l just nodded and walked away cause for me my heart felt a future, with that choice it was living its dream already.  I did everything l dreamed of doing. l got a Certificate in TV presenting,  worked at one of the greatest Production Companies in the country, did Modeling, became one of journalists at a media company, saw my name in few newspapers. Weather people knew me or not remained unnecessary because my heart has lived its passion. At that moment l laid alone on my bed and felt the ceiling smile right back at me and a small pat on my shoulder that l did it, finally l had walked the path where most man feared not go.

Yes after l achieved these dreams, l moved onto the next thing that l felt l should do. l didn't wait for the world to stretch a hand at me and say well done. Its  not about weather the world recognises you but  about weather you recognise yourself in the reflection you are looking at today from yesterday's beginnings. The universe is huge, there are no restricted places its just us who sets boundaries where they don't exist. When you are at the centre stage, done with your performance the first clap of appreciation you must hear is from that individual inside of you...that small one with the loudest voice then you will know your expectations are outdone.

l have lived my city dreams and now something behind my mind plays like an international dreams jingle.Taking the bold step to follow your dreams is much more frightening,  you may doubt your abilities because you feel there are those that are better already but honestly,   you could be the better one. If you don't risk your life then you are as good as dead. I am like an ever flowing river, l may appear stagnant but l am always moving to new shores, reaching new grounds.  My father once said "never stop dreaming,  once you have no dreams you have no reason to live" need l say l am a dream in motion? yes that l am.

Embrace your beginnings,
honour your parents for they have
done the best with the little they had.
The mud and cow dug houses
raised a high heels magnet queen,
naturewise l'd know why the giraffe
display majesty and class in its movement.
lf l had the courage to inspire the little girl
inside of me...l have changed the world,
now the universe awaits in anticipation,
the unexpected wrapped in the coil of dreams.
l am a dreamer,  not just a rural girl,
but a sandy soil princess wearing a wood crown...l don't need the sparkles,
l got dreams that glow.

Now l know why the crazy go crazy

l have heard this sound before, for a moment my nostrils failed to take in oxygen and l froze in motion. I knew what this meant. It could never be good. Many times before l avoided it and finally gave in and each time l felt a piece of my hope flashed away.
Who can understand the war happening inside of me, is there even anyone out there trying to figure it out with me ? but even if they wanted to l am not that transparent.

 

So it was said repetitive times, countless times l said it out loud that l don't care but honestly l care, maybe cause of all the mystery that lie there for me to discover in a distant time, it will come as a surprise but l know l will say to myself "l knew this".

l look at the reflection of this figure standing opposite a crystal clear glass, l don't see it there in a future that seem completely planned and sealed for it. l know the melody of those palpating beats, my hands are sweating,  my eyes are growing weary, can l cry? l want to cry, but no tears comes out. The knees gave in but the heart dared to hope something wonderful still existed in a thorn. How do l say its beautiful when it has prinked my finger, now my lips stand to suck the drop of blood rushing for a little freedom. I wonder which one is better between a rock  and a hard place.

Sometimes there can be many choices but none of those choices are able to work except the forbidden choice. They have said it...there is always a choice. If l choose not to listen to this sound l stand to lose the future that could be better than what l envisioned for myself but if l listen l choose to lose the present that has everything that leaves me content. Is there anything like living between a future and another future.

Why does it happen to me? why does the sound keep choosing my ears to hear it or is it my mind that has a sound track that sounds like the sound l think l know? now l know why the crazy go crazy.
Like the other day l walked up to her, standing by street lamp, l smiled and said can you hear that? she looked at me astonished and asked "what exactly am l supposed to hear again?" l walked away, now seriously my world was spinning on me, who cannot hear such sounds. l see the fairyflies in the breeze of the scorching sun of the kgalagadi desert, l see them in all its colours maybe because l believe that in every place even that which seems dead there is something beautiful to be admired.

l found  the other one crippled, sitting on her wheelchair,  said to her your soul is wet with tears that have no end, you wish to walk, feel the blood rushing through your veins but the world you in and everyone near you believe miracles don't happen, in the end you also have begun to believe your wish is impossible, feel guilty for your greatest desire but don't you worry cause  everyday has a miracle of its own,  yours is on the way. She turned around and a tear rolled on her face because she didn't think it was so obvious for the world to see beyond the face she gives. I walked away and heard her scream behind me "you surely must be crazy".

 

How do these people not hear the sound? why do they decide just to look the other way that leads nowhere when there is a way that leads to everything they need, so l looked at my toes , barefeet on the sandy soil and said the miles you have walked, the sound only got louder, maybe your toes just want to keep going.

          l am the sound that heals,
          the sound that lives,
          the spirit that sees the undefined,
           they have shut me out,
            the magnetic force l am , they feared,
           said l exist to make them weird,
           yet l exist to keep them alive..

            l am the holder of miracles,
            they secretly hope for me
            yet they are ashamed to admit
            l am here able for them.
            Who made you think l do not
             hear the thoughts of your heart,
             mind and soul.
             l hold on only cause hope tells me
             without me it lives no more.

             They are crazy, claimed insane
              only cause the world  misunderstands   their dimension,
               Mistrust their language,
               finds injustice in their thoughts.
               I am the sound that lives free in the      

mad for they recognise my existance,

     accepts my will and fill their purpose in a

     world that defines them aliens.

Now l know why the crazy go crazy….