The song l sang.

I sang one song, over and over again. When l saw that you are online my body shivers, honestly because all l hear in my head when l text you is your voice. I found myself debating it in my head weather to call or not, would it appear obsessive if l called once too often or text you first. Such a strange battle because the heart always felt it was right and the mind considered reality and all its facts. Emotions versus facts.

I felt myself explode, in a way l knew l had to tell someone but who do l tell? If l told my mom she would want to know how it all begun and l really just want someone to shut up and listen. If l told my friend she will tell me l need to let go and move on, she will never tell me but l know she is sick and tired of seeing me spinning in a wheel and not going anywhere.

It was clear right from the start that l should not love you. I avoided all signs that were visible that maybe my heart has already taken the knock, l refused to believe it but later it came and caused a tornado in my life. I don’t think l have ever understood what love really is before l met you. We barely talk, in fact we never talk, l am content because somewhere deep in my heart l understand why you are so silent. Yet how do l know you love me, your actions are too distant from me or am l lost in an illusion. The problem is there is no longer a difference between my reality and my dreams, they are all the same thing, you just seem to be everywhere.

Could l at least scream at you and beg you to say you wish you never met me because sometimes l feel everything would have been better if we never crossed path. I always say nothing is a coincidence, everything happens for a reason but what could be the reason for you, here in me, with me, every day , all the time with me? Do you even have the slightest idea the pain you have caused already in my life. Three years down the line l am still bind to that question mark that needs an answer. Curiosity doesn’t only kill cats, l will soon go down as a statistic that got murdered by it.

It was in a coffee shop by the fountain where we met, you told me my eyes where charcoal grey and you had no idea how your chestnut brown eyes did to my heart rate. You looked at me behind your sunglasses and so did l, stolen looks where just too sweet.  Every time you smiled my way l wondered if you understood just how l wouldn’t mind looking at that smile every day for many days of my life. The sound of your giggles was like a song in my head, a song l sang over and over again.