Harsh reality

Back then, l used to be an impatient person. Too many ideas in my head and l wanted them all to simultaneously take a stage but l soon learned that everything got to have its time. The mere fact that there is a birth date then there is a death date for everyone alive. You can't rush anything to occuring regardless of how against your schedule that is. Patience is the mother of fate, success, karma. I must say the present person l am is thankful of what the past me passed through. Patience is more than just waiting , its also about what you are doing while waiting.  Do you think that if you had got the things you have now three years back you will have had the wisdom to handle them like you are now? We all need to mature to receive certain things , equipped to manage them regardless of their sizes.

How do you bravely face life's challenges? Take a deep breath cause life itself will take you on that practical tour, advices here are besides the point as there are no manuals and no experience is ever the same even if there are zillion living species on this planet, your story remains yours uniquely so. But one thing for sure is you better be glued up about what is it that you want your life to represent? The vision of your ultimate self at the end of seasons.
Our circumstances are all different and everyone has a baggage of some sort on their shoulders. Others deal with their hot spots silently while some cry out for help and pity, nonetheless don't allow your life to be defined by your circumstances. Yes they made you but they are not you. There is more to what you can do than you actually realise. Situations will always make you feel small but that's the time you need to shut down the volume of the world and turn up the voice inside and do right by you, let the world wait.

I looked at how much change freaked me out back then. I was always too careful never to jump out of the circle, l didn't want to do anything that could anger my parents yet it didn't mean they never got angry at me and l learned regardless of your good intenstions at doing something , someone else will perceive it different so do what you believe is right for your life, your future in your present. Change is inevitable,  nothing stays the same. We can't be young forever, neither can we play small forever, it serves no purpose to the world and to ourselves. I wanted to be an actor while at school, they refused l make it a career and the one thing that's sweet that l licked from that decision was the capabilities in myself l discovered from their word "No". Their word "No" forced me to ask myself whatelse can l do, next thing l have a list dropping off the pages of the things l can be. A "No" can be a "Yes" in disguise.  Don't walk away before overturning the stone, from far it always appear immovable.

Some people will feel offended by your success even when you never stopped them from using a chance they had. Some will out of the blue be your wombworms, sucking your achievement out of you, always calling asking for money, pity, lift. Distance yourself from such creation, negativity is a strong, free deodarant that is highly contagious.
Right now there are people that naturally hate you for being the best at being yourself, they can't stand how your honour yourself and love your being. That's where now you begin to value between what's worth your energy and what's not, do not entertain your haters' games and riddles, your league is way beyond.

Your killer can be anyone. We live in times in which your own sibling can sit and plot your death with the world and that's the harsh reality of our times so don't think your life is dependant on the bond you have with someone. We all have witnessed sibling rivalries either in our families or communities. Hate and Jealousy can dilute blood. The ones that always say " l got your back" are the very same people that will stab you in the back, afterall they are in the right position. Literally tolerate them all but trust no one. The one thing in this world that is priceless is trust, genuine trust, so fragile yet so fundamental.

The harsh reality is that reality is unforgettable like the pain someone has put you through, forgiveness cannot even erase the scars. They remain. Many are friends when you are happy but when sad and broken apart real friends appear through the cracks. On a daily basis many people ask for honesty yet they can't handle the truth, its harsh, its mean, its untamed. A bright smile does not mean no harsh tears smash waiting under my eye bags, it means l can keep it down when necessary and let it hail when my world is walled up by my thick skin of life goes on quotes. Some people enjoy dragging their baggages on to your highway but its your highway so be unapologetic about the rules you practice on your way.

Million Dollar Mother

MILLION DOLLAR MOTHER

This goes out to all the women who have given birth to the people close to me, to the women l have met that have touched my heart in the most remarkable ways, to the women l always carry with me in spirit even if l will never know and all the mothers that exist in the universe God has placed our feet on. Unshakeable,  indescribable and irreplaceable million dollar women.

I look at you mom and all l can understand is exactly how much God loves me. You are like the hand of God all stretched out to the world, specifically my world. I can imagine the blissful moment you had when l said "mama" for the very first time. You are the alfa of my existance, amazing how knitted together l was inside of you. You protected me with all of you, me and you together, umblical cord in between, it has never ended all that care you have continously given. I wonder if you realise how amazing you are, the flowing fountain of my life.

Unbelievable how out of this world your food always tastes. 

You are my number one hero,

The greatest doctor of my times,

Pillar of strength,

Your eyes ressembles comfort,

In your hands am complete,

Never mind my age

You are my ride or die best friend. 

At times am a little loud,

Too talkative for your exhausted 

Self to handle but you remain 

Silent, strong and attentive.

The stars in my sky,

My heart is full of glitters

All cause of you.

Nothing beats mama's love,

True love in human form,

The only reflection of God

Whose affection can never change

Like God's. 

You are the flame of fire

That lights up my torch.

You are Hope mama

In dozen quantities.

You are the flavour of the house,

Soul of what home is.

The priceless woman

Whose Goddess presence

Is irreplaceable, 

Soul healer, tight hugger,

My everything. 

Happy mother's day. Every day of my life that you are here with me know that l cherish you being here. There is no creation alive that can come close to what you mean to me .

Women l am thankful of the nation you have provided the world with. The source of life, God's own manifestation channel. Thank you for always encouraging me to pray, taking me to church on my best outfits, calling me with those sweetest names that sometimes made me feel embarrassed in front of my friends, keeping all those weird childhood pictures for the entire family to laugh at, funny right now l actually love it cause it shows how much of a perfect maker you are, a million dollar mother.

How l accidentally fell in love with Radio broadcasting

I say always put on your best pair of shoes, you never know who you may run into. when l tripped and fell in love with radio broadcasting l literally did not see it coming, l was probably lost in the rush of doing something new. Coming back to Kuruman has surely never been part of my to-do list, well it happened and l found myself back home only cause l was chasing a story.

Kurara FM, the Ultimate Choice of the district.  The local radio station of which l had never imagined myself calling it my workplace. Everyone that knew and understood my adventurous heart said "Nthabiseng you need to leave this place, it is not you here". Honestly, they are right, l can feel myself slowly suffocating, even my wings are aching, all they need is to be set free yet this time l actually want to see where the wind will blow me with my feet on the ground without me in control of where l end up.

I had always dreamed of making a huge difference in my community, the aim being to inspire the young souls in my community that nothing is impossible and that they have it in themselves to turn their circumstance to success. Yes l do still dream of seeing young souls excited about a swimming competition, having made it to the district tennis ball team, going out to ice skate with friends on a Friday night rather than the regular lets go out and get drunk nights. Everywhere l go in kuruman l see a potential. Okay, that's enough about my passion for change. Back to my hook up with radio.

I walk into the place and met amazing, talented souls like Boitumelo Mabudi, Nthabiseng Rabie, Thabang Loeto, Tsepo Kgatlhane, Oarabile Mokgethi, Refilwe Thobega,  Precious Jah-Lady, Kagiso Keller, Miss P , Tshepo Leeuw, Lebo Ntlathi, Letlhogonolo Sechogela, Rabbie Mrapper , Tumelo Onewang, Modiri Gabaatlhole, Jeanette Senye,  Keitumetse Ntho, Onolo Jantjie, Carla Martin, Letlhogonolo Moeti, Dineo, Daniel January , Gosego Boyce ,MJ,  Dikabelo Khoana, and many, many brilliant personalities.

People who enjoy and love what they do. More than ever l understood inspiration can walk in with two feet and transport your heart to a new dimension.

Sometimes you strive through the worst for a passion. Behind the mic you stand at the best position to change a nation. I understood all that. I realized that all these people have the power to choose to be elsewhere but they are here, at this radio station, dedicating themselves on a daily basis making a legacy for generations to come.  Kurara FM is only two years but the quality you get there is amazing. I have  a whole new respect for them.

Sometimes one of the hardest lesson you learn in life is that money is not everything but without it your life stands still. I learned l might not get billions from my day job but l walk back into my room at the end of the day and l hear my soul applaud that it has lived to the fullest, it has contributed to a smile that has crossed through someone's lips during the course of the day, someone who l will never meet has been inspired. No work goes unnoticed or unappreciated, no matter how ridiculous it appears to others. I fell in love with Radio through accidentally tripping over the studio mic. The first time l went on air l was reciting a poem, little did l know the verses were rewriting a future l was to live.

Many people who are born in kuruman after obtaining their degrees they run away from kuruman and when they come back for holidays they complain about how boring the place is but the question is if you don't have the guts to stay in it and change it who will? , trust me someone from somewhere will come and change it but not for the good of the community, they will come change it for their own benefits and leave. Even if l decide to leave kuruman l will know that l might have not changed my town entirely but l have contributed to a legacy that will remain known for years. Beyoncé in one of her songs says the hearts that l have touched will be the proof that l lived, that l made a difference in someone's life and someone out there will know l was here. Those are my words too, l was here. Kurara FM 98.9Mhz , the ultimate choice of the district. 

Letter to my unborn children/future children

When I die burn my body and scatter my ashes into the ocean. I want you to know that my soul is like an ocean and its passion will never run dry. All your life wherever you be know that l am with you because on the land you walk on underneath that soil , water that has small particles of my ashes will be running. My most fulfilled dream for you will be for you to travel the world because l want you to see with your own eyes what God can do, how he created his master pieces every corner of the universe. Have a heart as adventurous as l do and know that the universe is for you to explore and live happily in. Live every moment to its fullest.

The first rule above them all that you must believe beyond doubt is that there is nothing impossible under the universe. If you can think it, it exist. Don't listen to anyone tell you otherwise. The reason why l tell you this is because your childhood innocence will one day be washed away and it will disappear with your flawless faith in your ability to be anything you dream to be, you will find excuses to why you can't be what you dream to be and your dreams will just remain dreams and nothing more. I don't want that for you. I want you to know that you are capable of anything, even things you haven't thought of yet. Be unapologetic about how people react to the person that you are because honey you have no control over the behavior of other people, do not worry yourself about that. As you grow up you will learn that what other people say about you behind your back is none of your business.

Don't ever for one second in your life be oblivious to the one single truth that life is unfair. So do not expect it to be fair , in fact when it is too soft on you begin to be worried because it means you are on a level below the average of what life is. Fight for many things,  not physically of cause. Which is one of the things you will learn in this life time that the greatest fight is not physical yet mental and spiritual. Hence, l boldly say remain real to who you are, what you are and who you believe you will be. Focus on yourself and take yourself serious because you teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself. My parents taught me that charity begins at home, so does respect, love and honour starts from right in you.

Education is crucial like the clothes you wear to cover your nakedness, you will realize that on this earth being educated provides you with the leverage  of accessing certain places not accessible to others , sadly that's how the world works, people get to be put in categories and that's where they are expected to remain, do not categories yourself but make sure you are educated. The one gift l will give you in your life is an opportunity to go to school but what you do at school and what you do with that education is your decision to make. As much as l would want a sparkling future for you as my child, l cannot make and give it to you, l can only walk with you half way. Some journeys are traveled alone.

Time will pass, love will remain. You will fall in love countless time and when the heart breaks it will be unbearable but time will come around once more and heal the parts most broken and you will feel hope to love another besides yourself and that my child is how love will remain. So many things will happen in life that will leave you feeling like your heart has been ripped off but don't you ever even for a second let your heart turn bitter. You are in control, they can try push you to lose your cool but be clever. When they push you to the cliff, stand tall at the edge , observe nature from above and understand there is a reason there is you at the edge. You are being pushed to realize yet a new strength you were not aware of. You at the edge are set to value life when you have almost lost a grip over it.

So learn, because it takes discipline to smile at the one that oppresses you, learn to smile when expected to cry. It kills them inside.

We are all meant to die at one point, yes you will die but how it will yet be revealed as death develops face before you. Do not be afraid of death. It is part of life, every journey has stages so is this one. Live life fearless because if it's your day to die you will die but if not you will live. Almost does not exist neither does maybe. You will find that there are many words that exist in the world but they don't necessarily have to apply for you. Discipline yourself, many advices can be given to you but weather you take them and use them it's up to you but have discipline in your life. Challenge your fears , overcome them and life will be very rewarding to you. The best teacher is life itself, the experience.

This letter is the first of many letters l will write to you. I talk a lot but all for your advantage so bear with me. There will come a time l will say no more and that is then, only then that you will desire more than anything in your entire life to hear me say something.

Unconditional love
The bearer of the umbilical cord.

Happy Birthday Daddy

If there is one prominent memory of a precious moment l would always remember which l shared with my daddy, it would definitely be the day he put me on top of our late horse called Silver and took me for a ride. l was still very young but l still remember how happy it made me to be on top of that horse. Every time l used to fall asleep on the floor, on the couch, he would pick me up and put me to bed. This man is the one man that taught me that the best thing in the world is to be myself. l owe him so much but above all l owe him a big thank you. How he would often say l should dream, dream big , achieve and dream again. He said if l didn't have dreams then l am as good as dead.

Every morning when we come to work, we pass this other mad man standing, shouting on the streets. when we pass by he stretches out his hand to greet the mad guy and say to me "you know what my child, if there are people that need our prayers most, its mad people. When we think they can't be healed , God says only one single prayer for them could open the gates of healing, so pray for them". l look at him and understand that God blessed me with a piece of himself by giving me this man as my father. This day, the 13th March is the most special day for me because if he was not born, l wouldn't have been born. On random days he would call me just to tell me that he loves me, that he would do anything for me. Oh did l mention the time he specifically said "the only man you should expect and ask money from is me" yes daddy, he didn't want me to ever feel inferior or dependent on anyone especially the male species.

He embraced me with love so warm,
l never had a reason to doubt heaven exists.
l had been angry at him some moments when he didn't let me have my  way,
but at the end am thankful he knew better.
He gave me the key to my future
while l was still crawling cause he knew one day l will fly,
He saw the  wings on my toes,
found the hope in my prayers,
showed me that his prayers held miracles.
Happy birthday daddy.
You raised a princess from your Kingdom.
Indeed we do own a horse cart and horses for the ride
in this journey but above all we have the priceless bond.
You are my father, My friend, My protector,
sometimes my annoying adviser but all in wisdom
l get it all from you.
I love you Dad.

The rural girl with big city dreams.

I remember clearly like it was moment ago, the giggles my classmates  made when l said l wanted to work in the world of broadcasting.  They said "a rural girl like you would never go that far, you wasting your breath" l looked and them and said "watch me". I really had nothing to prove and neither did l feel obliged to make a point. But my heart had a burning passion to find itself in a certain environment and that was exactly where l was to go.

l am a rural girl, raised among the sounds of cows, goats and sheep, enjoyed the blissful ride of a donkey cart, found pleasure in listening to the wind and the birds in the middle of the veld. l ran barefeet on the sandy soil and felt like l could fly sitting on the top branch of a tree. l could never be ashamed to say l am that girl that used three feet pot outside on the scorching fire to boil water to make a cup of tea or even make lunch. I always had greater dreams beyond the mud houses, the midnight skies full of fiery , shinning stars.

There must definitely be a reason why l can see my reflection when l look into the mirror. l am the girl that always told others you can do more. The future is not bound to circumstances of where you come from, where you end up depends entirely on the choices you make away from your circumstances. People can never see what you see about yourself or your future, therefore its best to trust what you see and follow it. How many times have they said you couldn't do it? after you did it they turned around and said they always knew you could do it. No one besides yourself can have a plan about your life if not, their aim will be to hide your glow.

So being the rural girl that felt that nothing was impossible, that there is nothing that can limit me. l moved from high school to varsity and followed my dream. Many said why would you choose Journalism as a degree, there is a little future in that and yes l just nodded and walked away cause for me my heart felt a future, with that choice it was living its dream already.  I did everything l dreamed of doing. l got a Certificate in TV presenting,  worked at one of the greatest Production Companies in the country, did Modeling, became one of journalists at a media company, saw my name in few newspapers. Weather people knew me or not remained unnecessary because my heart has lived its passion. At that moment l laid alone on my bed and felt the ceiling smile right back at me and a small pat on my shoulder that l did it, finally l had walked the path where most man feared not go.

Yes after l achieved these dreams, l moved onto the next thing that l felt l should do. l didn't wait for the world to stretch a hand at me and say well done. Its  not about weather the world recognises you but  about weather you recognise yourself in the reflection you are looking at today from yesterday's beginnings. The universe is huge, there are no restricted places its just us who sets boundaries where they don't exist. When you are at the centre stage, done with your performance the first clap of appreciation you must hear is from that individual inside of you...that small one with the loudest voice then you will know your expectations are outdone.

l have lived my city dreams and now something behind my mind plays like an international dreams jingle.Taking the bold step to follow your dreams is much more frightening,  you may doubt your abilities because you feel there are those that are better already but honestly,   you could be the better one. If you don't risk your life then you are as good as dead. I am like an ever flowing river, l may appear stagnant but l am always moving to new shores, reaching new grounds.  My father once said "never stop dreaming,  once you have no dreams you have no reason to live" need l say l am a dream in motion? yes that l am.

Embrace your beginnings,
honour your parents for they have
done the best with the little they had.
The mud and cow dug houses
raised a high heels magnet queen,
naturewise l'd know why the giraffe
display majesty and class in its movement.
lf l had the courage to inspire the little girl
inside of me...l have changed the world,
now the universe awaits in anticipation,
the unexpected wrapped in the coil of dreams.
l am a dreamer,  not just a rural girl,
but a sandy soil princess wearing a wood crown...l don't need the sparkles,
l got dreams that glow.

Now l know why the crazy go crazy

l have heard this sound before, for a moment my nostrils failed to take in oxygen and l froze in motion. I knew what this meant. It could never be good. Many times before l avoided it and finally gave in and each time l felt a piece of my hope flashed away.
Who can understand the war happening inside of me, is there even anyone out there trying to figure it out with me ? but even if they wanted to l am not that transparent.

 

So it was said repetitive times, countless times l said it out loud that l don't care but honestly l care, maybe cause of all the mystery that lie there for me to discover in a distant time, it will come as a surprise but l know l will say to myself "l knew this".

l look at the reflection of this figure standing opposite a crystal clear glass, l don't see it there in a future that seem completely planned and sealed for it. l know the melody of those palpating beats, my hands are sweating,  my eyes are growing weary, can l cry? l want to cry, but no tears comes out. The knees gave in but the heart dared to hope something wonderful still existed in a thorn. How do l say its beautiful when it has prinked my finger, now my lips stand to suck the drop of blood rushing for a little freedom. I wonder which one is better between a rock  and a hard place.

Sometimes there can be many choices but none of those choices are able to work except the forbidden choice. They have said it...there is always a choice. If l choose not to listen to this sound l stand to lose the future that could be better than what l envisioned for myself but if l listen l choose to lose the present that has everything that leaves me content. Is there anything like living between a future and another future.

Why does it happen to me? why does the sound keep choosing my ears to hear it or is it my mind that has a sound track that sounds like the sound l think l know? now l know why the crazy go crazy.
Like the other day l walked up to her, standing by street lamp, l smiled and said can you hear that? she looked at me astonished and asked "what exactly am l supposed to hear again?" l walked away, now seriously my world was spinning on me, who cannot hear such sounds. l see the fairyflies in the breeze of the scorching sun of the kgalagadi desert, l see them in all its colours maybe because l believe that in every place even that which seems dead there is something beautiful to be admired.

l found  the other one crippled, sitting on her wheelchair,  said to her your soul is wet with tears that have no end, you wish to walk, feel the blood rushing through your veins but the world you in and everyone near you believe miracles don't happen, in the end you also have begun to believe your wish is impossible, feel guilty for your greatest desire but don't you worry cause  everyday has a miracle of its own,  yours is on the way. She turned around and a tear rolled on her face because she didn't think it was so obvious for the world to see beyond the face she gives. I walked away and heard her scream behind me "you surely must be crazy".

 

How do these people not hear the sound? why do they decide just to look the other way that leads nowhere when there is a way that leads to everything they need, so l looked at my toes , barefeet on the sandy soil and said the miles you have walked, the sound only got louder, maybe your toes just want to keep going.

          l am the sound that heals,
          the sound that lives,
          the spirit that sees the undefined,
           they have shut me out,
            the magnetic force l am , they feared,
           said l exist to make them weird,
           yet l exist to keep them alive..

            l am the holder of miracles,
            they secretly hope for me
            yet they are ashamed to admit
            l am here able for them.
            Who made you think l do not
             hear the thoughts of your heart,
             mind and soul.
             l hold on only cause hope tells me
             without me it lives no more.

             They are crazy, claimed insane
              only cause the world  misunderstands   their dimension,
               Mistrust their language,
               finds injustice in their thoughts.
               I am the sound that lives free in the      

mad for they recognise my existance,

     accepts my will and fill their purpose in a

     world that defines them aliens.

Now l know why the crazy go crazy….